Synopsis of Discussion - Week 3

We met for a third week to discuss why we don't like church anymore. This week, to guide our conversation, we used some notes from a teaching I gave in December 2006 titled "Redefining Church." See notes below.

At the very end of this long post are five "noteworthy thoughts from our discussion." May we all begin to recognize the sin (both personal and corporate) that we so comfortably cling to, may we repent for holding back the Kingdom advance, and may we joyfully join Jesus on his great mission to seek and save the lost!


Statistics: The North American Church

- 3,500 Christian churches die and close every year
- 60-80% are plateaued and declining
- Young adults (especially young men) are not going to church

(22-25 year old men are the least likely group in North America to attend church. If you are a man in this age group, it is a statistical miracle for you to be in church on Sunday morning.)


FOUR OBSERVED PROBLEMS WITH THE CHURCH IN NORTH AMERICA

1. Feminine Flare (Where are all the men?)

Statistics show that North American church is made up of 60% women and 40% men. It’s also safe to say that the typical contemporary church caters to 40-something year old women their young children. On the whole, North American men are not interested in ‘church’. They would rather be home watching football, working on their house, fixing their car, making money…doing pretty much anything but sitting in church with a bunch of chicks, singing love songs to Jesus and hearing a preacher who ‘has everything together’ telling them what they should and should not be doing. The absence of men leads to the catering to women…and the cycle continues…

Why are men turned off by church?
- Over-emphasis of ‘feminine’ themes – perhaps too much talk of God’s love to the neglect of other attributes?
- No sense of mission, urgency or need to participate – call men to action and they will act!
- Not allowed to be real men—rugged men. Christianity has become a religion for ‘nice’ guys.

If you look in the Bible, Godly men in there are pretty tough: Paul, John the Baptist, Elijah. “They don’t look like church boys wearing sweater vests and walking around singing love songs to Jesus. David was well known for his ability to slaughter other men. These guys were dudes. Heterosexual, win a fight, punch you in the nose, dudes. In the church today, there are a bunch of nice soft chickified church boys. The church today lacks masculine frankness.” – Mark Driscoll

We need to rediscover that Christianity is not a religion for women only. It is not a soft, passive, ‘God is love, so I’ll tolerate everything’ religion. It’s great that the girls are loving and serving Jesus, but we need to recapture the hearts of men. Jesus intends for men to lead the mission—not passive, “sure whatever you say honey” men, but men who will “act like men, be strong” (1 Cor. 16:13). What would result if men—rough, tough, ready to roll men—retook their rightful place on the front lines of mission with Jesus?

The church needs men; ESPECIALLY young men.

Think about it: 22-25 year old men are the most important group for any church to have. They are the innovators—the young, entrepreneurial, energetic initiators of creativity and the pioneers in new, culturally relevant methodology. Reform always begins with young men! Churches who do not have them cannot thrive (not to mention survive). This group of men will make the culture in the future. If you get the young men, you get everything—the wives, the babies, the money, the businesses, etc.

How do we get young men committed to the mission of the Jesus? Their involvement will revolutionize the way the church looks and functions in the future!


2. Country Club Feel (No Outsiders Allowed)

It’s a sad fact that churches often become so ‘insulated’ that though their sign says “Everyone Welcome,” in reality they practice “no outsiders allowed.” Churches often becomes a ‘closed’ subculture of ‘select’ people who work very hard to protect its members from the messiness of the world. Many churches begin to function as a country club: If you fit the mold, then pay your dues and you’re in!

There are two problems with this:

1. It breeds passivity. Once you’re in, you’re in. You don’t need to think, plan, organize or participate...just show up, soak up and enjoy!

The last thing the church needs is more consumers. We need active participants, who will take ownership and lead the charge. Play your part. Go above and beyond your requirements!

2. Being so ‘inbred’ also affects a church’s effectiveness in culture. Our mission to “Save the Lost” is often overshadowed by our desire to “Protect the Saved.”

Too many Churches (and too many Christians) are so wrapped up in their own little Christian subculture that they lack any significant real life experience outside their Christian world. “They listen to Christian radio, listen to Christian music, watch Christian television, read Christian books, their kids go to Christian school, they go to Christian church, they go to Christian events, they go to Christian concerts, their friends are Christians, they go to home Bible study with their Christian friends, they vacation with their Christian friends. All the while, their neighbors don’t know Christ.” – Mark Driscoll

The church needs to repent of its selectiveness, repent of it’s passivity, repent of it’s disengagement with the secular world and begin fulfilling it’s calling to engage people in culture with culture.

We can’t forget that our calling is to love and serve ‘dirty’ people. We need to get out of our church, go hang out with sinners, get to know them, show them that we’re actually real people, invite them into our homes, invite them into our lives, invite them into our church (in that order)…introducing them to Jesus along the way through the way we act—loving, serving, and listening to them.

The third problem stems from this…


3. Old School Flavor (We’ve failed to emerge with culture)

Why do churches hold on to tradition? People don’t like change—especially people in the church! Bondage to comfort and familiarity is sin. Jesus is calling churches to repent. Start engaging culture. Churches must change because culture is always changing! We don’t change our MESSAGE (the unchanging Gospel)…but we do (we must!) change our METHODS (how that gospel is proclaimed).

For too long the church has done an aweful job relating to sinners by immersing themselves in culture. Our job as missionaries (all Christians must think like missionaries) is to engage the culture we are in—without sinning—in hopes that effective means will be found to contextualize that gospel to lost and hurting people.

The church must, through cultural immersion, become culturally relevant. We must understand the culture around us SO THAT we can some how (we find this out while we’re in it) introduce Christ through it. Go read Acts 17 (especially verses 16-34). Being in culture is not a sin, it’s a reality.

We must be faithful to God’s calling for us as a church in this specific time and this specific place in which we live. This requires consistent reform, changing our methods and styles of ministry and evangelism.


4. Flawed View of Purpose (the “family of God” has become a business, dispensing goods and services)

The church, for too long, has positioned itself as a business where people come to get goods and services. The church is not a business, the church is a family. According to Ephesians 1, God is our father and in Ephesians 2 we read that we are the “household of God.” The church is a family—the family of God, a holy people set apart for His pleasure and glory (Ephesians 1:4-6)

A family and a business function in totally different ways. In the family everybody has chores so that the family operates well. In a business, people are paid to do the work. The church is to be a place where EVERYONE pitches in and gets the job done…not a place where ‘specialists’ are paid to do the ‘ministry.’

The problem is: “We live in a country where you pay people to do things that the family is supposed to be doing. The housekeeper takes out the trash, not the brother. The church operates that way as well. You pay someone to take out the trash; you pay someone to do all the work. You pay someone to do everything that needs to be done. That’s how a business works, that’s not how a family operates.” – Mark Driscoll

We must rediscover “church as a family” where we each do our part. Christianity is about PARTICIPATION. There is no such thing as a passive Christian. The church is a community in action—preaching the gospel (our message) and living out the gospel (our method).


NOTEWORTHY THOUGHTS FROM OUR DISCUSSION:

1. Male worship leaders (who are often 'artsy' and emotionally 'open') must be cautious of appearing 'overly-feminine' when they lead singing in a corporate gathering (I can say this because I am a worship leader in a local church!) We can be a huge turn off to the typical unsaved guy. We shouldn't try to become someone we're not (if you're not a rugged man with a beard living in the woods, that's fine!) but we should be thoughtfully aware of how our appearance is either distracting or attracting to others as we invite them to join us in responding to God.

2. The church isn't accepting of innovative ideas. Partially, this is due to the fact that the young innovators are choosing not to be there; however, it is also due to the fact that the innovators haven't been sought out, invited and welcomed in. To the older generations: Call us! Affirm us! Value us! Embrace what we have to offer! To the younger generations: seek out creative ways to contribute in the Kingdom of God. If you method is not accepted, then humbly submit and step aside, but then go look to serve elsewhere. Don't neglect your gifts.

3. We need to think creatively if we're to get the young men. How can we use technology, video games, music, media? How do we get them committed to the mission of God?

4. Christians need to cultivate more "common ground" with non-Christians outside of the church. How can we show others that we're actually somewhat "normal" people? We need to find commonalities with our friends and neighbors and this comes through being out in secular culture involved in community life. Loving people as Christ loved people. Hanging out with sinners (actually you're just as bad as everyone else is!) as Christ hung out with sinners. Christians need to "live a little," break away from church programming, and start experiencing real life with real people!

5. "Ninja Evangelism" is not a good approach! Yet, this is how we've traditionally done it. We like to sneak in, get the job done, and sneak out without ever being seen or heard. The stealth approach--drop a tract in a strategic location, slip away unnoticed and let God take it from there. We like the short "gospel presentation," we like to see people "pray the prayer," but we don't like to take time getting to know people as beautifully intricate human beings made in the image of God. We too often view non-Christians as "prospects" or worse yet "targets". A better approach is to Invest and Invite. Invest in their lives--hang out, talk, listen more than you speak, pray for, care for, etc. Then over time ("becoming a Christian" is a process--often a long process), as the relationship develops, invite them into your life (not pushing your 'religion' on them or looking to "get 'em saved"), but simply inviting them in to see how God is working in you, bringing about transformation and redemption. Invite them into your life, into you home, into your struggles, into your joys, into your small group, into your church... And one day, maybe even they'll end up being with you in the household of God!

Synopsis of Discussion – Week 2

We had another great night of fruitful conversation as we met to discuss why we don’t like church anymore.

The evening began with a recap of last week’s discussion. The intent was not to belabor the points (thought we did do a little bit of that!), but rather to clarify anything that was misunderstood or misinterpreted.


NOT SO SUPRISING

Looking again at the 61% church dropout rate of those in their twenties, we decided that this shouldn’t be such a shocking statistic. The loss of interest in church is a “natural” result of one leaving home.

When teenagers (who grew up going to church with their parents) leave for college or some other opportunity, they tend to leave behind (at least for a brief period) anything and everything associated with home—especially the ‘structure’.

By pointing this out, we actually take some of the blame off the church. It’s not all your fault! No matter what a church does, some people will leave when life calls elsewhere. The problem is: the church is not particularly doing a good job of “calling us back.”

As twentysomethings venture out into “real life”, there are now other options and different opportunities in which time and energy can be invested. Also, the years between 20 and 30 are typically characterized by increased travel (due to independence and freedom) and increased work (often insane hours, perhaps multiple jobs, to pay off debt and/or save for the future). These and other factors contribute to the lack of time and energy the typical twentysomething has to invest in a Christian community.

What can the church do to reach these people?


ANOTHER REASON

Another comment about “why I don’t like church anymore” was added to our initial list of ten:

11. Church doesn’t contribute very much to my spiritual development. Church doesn’t help me grow. I get more “spiritual nourishment” in places outside of the church.


FINALLY GETTING INTO IT

The remainder (and bulk) of our conversations centered on these next two questions: What is your ideal church? What is the church?


Question #1: WHAT IS YOUR IDEAL CHURCH?

This question addresses the stylistic preference of those in their twenties today.

1. College lecture style teaching with opportunity for Q&A
2. Less singing (not so long, doing anything for a half-hour is boring)
3. Don’t use modern worship songs. There is much “better” art to experience God through than the typical ‘worship’ songs.
4. Not too charismatic (don’t go overboard with the “expression”)
5. A close knit community – smaller groups, “home church” style. You know the people and they know you. You’re living life together.

We then asked “What makes a close knit community?”
1. Good attitudes are key
2. People really have to want to be there (a desire to participate)
3. Intimacy and honesty
4. Similar experiences help cultivate community


Question #2: WHAT IS CHURCH?

This question addresses the purpose and function of church. We’ll discuss this much more in the weeks ahead. Any discussion of church must begin with understanding it from a Biblical perspective. What does Jesus say about his church?

Thoughts on Church:
1. A place to develop faith and tangibly sense God. Church is meant to help us experience God and be sanctified as a people (character development)
2. Church isn’t solely a place; it is first and foremost a people. It is much harder (meaning there is more responsibility) to “be church.” It’s much easier to just “go to church.” By doing this you don’t have to contribute or put forth any effort. But to “be church” requires an all of life commitment.
3. In Scripture, church is referred to as “a Family,” “a Body,” and “a Temple.” These have major implications to the purpose and function of church.
4. To be in the church is to be a part of a great movement of God.
5. Church is a missional community—a people sent on mission by God to impact society, and bring about personal and cultural transformation. We are his “agents of transformation.” Jesus says in John 20:21, “As the father has sent me, so now I am sending you.”


MISSIONAL

What is missional?

As this discussion began, a comment was made that “Christianity is meant to be the backbone of society. If you feel a need, come to us. We’re not going to impose on you.” Should Christianity be the backbone of society? Is that what Jesus intends? Should Christians impose on other people? If so, how? and how much?

Also, talking about the church being missional—God’s missionary to culture (understanding the different subcultures in our society and planting a church for every people group, in each area of town), a comment was made that we need to be targeting the “intelligent” people in our community. Does the church need to be challenging these people? How is this to be done?

This carried us into another discussion…


DOCTRINE

Doctrine is often neglected in the contemporary church today. Is every Christian is called to be a theologian or only a select few?

Vintage Faith Church in Santa Cruz California was brought up as an example of a church that emphasizes doctrine and the study of God. Their purpose statement says it well: “We desire to be a Worshiping Community of Missional Theologians.”

I’d encourage anyone who is in this boat of “emphasize doctrine,” “teach me theology,” “make me think” to check out www.vintagechurch.org, www.covlife.org, and www.marshillchurch.org. These three churches highly emphasize doctrine, but not to the neglect of mission.

Until next time...

Synopsis of Discussion - Week 1

Here are 10 observations regarding "why I don't like church anymore" from our July 11th discussion.

1. Church doesn’t address “the bad times” and “dark themes” of life. Rather, the primary theme that is stressed is “be happy.” This is too narrow a view considering the amount of lament in the Psalms and the fact that God is writing a good story…and good story always has both good and bad times, light and darkness, joy and sorrow. Church often seems to be disconnected from "real life."

2. I’m just “bored” with church. I can’t get into it. I like hearing the message, but can’t get into the singing or anything else.

3. Church is too obsessed with the trappings (music, media, chairs, etc). It has moved away from what it originally was.

4. There is always tension about what the style of the Sunday service be. (i.e. Worship Wars) Why is the focus so inward? Shouldn’t it be outward, like on serving the needy?

5. I’m turned off by “leaders” and the “hierarchy” of the church. The early church (from my understanding) was more communal and relational.

6. Church people are too cut and dry. Right and wrong are the only two options. There is no tolerance for those who “don’t believe the right thing.” The people are closed minded and judgmental. There is too much Bible thumping. Not necessarily from the pulpit, but from the people.

7. Christians don’t think for themselves. They should be wrestling with both sides (both points of view) of every issue. They just believe and take as "truth" whatever the pastor tells them.

8. Make me think. Teach me something. I don’t want a cheerleading session (get excited about God!), I want to learn something (like the history of the Christian faith, its roots, etc.). The contemporary church has lost much by neglecting the ancient liturgies.

9. Church tries to emotionally sway people.

10. Why do Christian people have such ungodly attitudes? Should they really be acting this way (especially when they’re serving on Sunday)? Why are there so many gossiping girls, clique kids, and hypocritical adults? What’s with the “rivalry” and “competition” between churches?

Two other noteworthy quotes from the night:
1. “I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way.”
2. “Actually, I’m more relaxed since I stopped going to church.”

Why I Don't Like Church Anymore - An Introduction

I have an amazing privilege over the next few weeks to explore with some friends an issue that has emerged to the forefront of “Christianity as we know it.” In our post-modern (soon to be post-Christian) North American context, there are a growing number of people who don’t like church anymore.

It seems to be a common trend: you grow up in church, do the routine, and maybe even enjoy it for a bit…but over time it gets old, you lose interest, and you disconnect. Ask the typical twentysomething with previous church experience and you’ll probably hear “I’m sick of it…bored by the tradition, frustrated with the religion, and fed up with the people.”

A recent study from the Barna Research Group shows that 81% of Americans in their twenties were once spiritually engaged church goers during their teenage years. (That percentage seems high for our region. I would think that the statistics for New England are a bit lower. But anyway...) The study goes on to predict, however, that 61% of those young adults will be spiritually disinterested, disengaged, and disconnected from church by their thirtieth birthday.

This is a huge drop off! Look again. Only 20% of those who attend church during their teenage years remain spiritually engaged through their twenties (61% don’t!). What goes on during that time? What changes? Why are twentysomethings rejecting Christian spirituality and fleeing from the church? These are the kinds of questions that need to be addressed.

Jesus says in Matthew 16:18, "I will build my church." What does that look like? Probably not the way things are going today. With the help of Jesus, we need to radically re-think our routine; we need to rigorously re-work our methods. In short, we need to re-define church.

So as my friends and I explore why we don’t like church anymore, as we share our stories, vent our frustrations, and decipher our experiences, my hope is that some answers to questions like these will emerge:

What does Jesus intend his church to be? What role in reform are we called to play? What does a culturally relevant, Biblically faithful church filled with passioante people on mission look like in our region?

As we deconstruct, may we also rebuild. As we vent, may we look to reform. May we find solution to the problem at hand.

Join the discussion!

"Why I Don't Like Church Anymore" is a discussion for those who are sick of church, bored by tradition, and frustrated with religion. It's for those who were once involved, but over time (for whatever reason) have disconnected.

Tired of the routine? Turned off by the people? Ever ask "What's the point?"

If so, there are two ways that you can contribute to this conversation.

(1) The Blog - Share your your story, vent your frustrations...
May we all glean, learn and grow from each other's unique experience and perspective.

(2) The Discussion - Wednesday nights, 7:30-8:30pm at Panera Bread in Shelton. Contact Bryan for more info. bbeatty@calvaryefc.com